10-15-08
What would you do if faced with the most brilliant moment you can imagine, or the most amazing object one could purchase? Which one would you take? Everyone has a different opinion about this. They would argue about this and that. Which one you choose simply depends on which you hold more valuable. If you’re more of a material person who loves funky gadgets and expensive items you will choose one while the person who loves the perfect view of nature or something that can not be bought would take the other.
I am meticulous as I tie them. First one, then the other making positive each one is fit to my liking. Once I am finished I take my stand. The ball sits there. Taunting me, telling me I won’t do it, I can’t do it. I rise to the challenge. I know where I want to place the ball on the goal, I don’t have to look. I just picture it. The top left corner of the goal is what my entire mind is thinking. In a burst of speed and power I slam the soccer ball. Cleat, with perfect precision Sends the ball to the back of the net, Passed the keepers inadequate attempt of a save.
My cleats are awesome. With a burnt orange, black and white exterior they look sick. They also have a tiger paw on them just like my high school mascot’s symbol. Their patterns are nasty and in my opinion are just about the best looking cleats that one can buy. Nike Total90, please Kelme Diablo, my cleat, is where it's at. Nothing comes close to them. They don’t just look amazing, but are a fine quality cleat. They stand up to my play and stay with me as I go. They fit perfectly and allow me to kick the ball with extreme accuracy and force.
The score is tied. Six seconds are on the clock. The ball is in my hands. One thing is on my mind, score. I can’t think of anything else and would not if I could. I dribble once, stop, fake a pass left, step back, jump, and shoot. The leather ball glides off my fingertips with just the right amount of backspin. I know what will happen when the ball leaves my hands. The question is, do they?
It’s the best moment that can happen to me, winning a big basketball game in the final seconds. There are so many moments in basketball like this and nothing in sports is better than sinking a three at the buzzer. It’s awesome just seeing one, but having it happen to you is simply perfect. Winning a big game is truly priceless.
When you take that shot it is like time is in slow motion. Everything moves slower, even you. As time winds down and you have the ball you take a quick look around, seeing if there is someone that has a better chance to take the shot. There never is. So, you make your move to trip up the defender, again something that always happens. Then you step back knowing what comes next as everyone shouts “SHOOT!” You face the basket jump and shoot, following the command of the fans. You are behind the three point line and for the third time this is something that always happens. Watching the shot you know it will either fall in or slip out. When it goes in and everyone goes crazy it is the most amazing moment that can happen to a person, me at least. You hope it never stops. Adrenaline is racing threw your body. Your team is huddled around you screaming your name as they praise you.
So how do you compare these things? Well, obviously, they both have something to do with sports. One soccer, one basketball, but both sports. I believe they have a different similarity though. They both bring me great happiness and joy. My cleats allow me to play a game I love and that moment wouldn’t happen if I didn’t play another game I love.
They connect me in a way that nothing else does. Of course, they do have major differences like being different sports and being completely different parts of different sports. One is a special moment, the other, equipment. Still I love them and could not live without them.
So, as I said in my introduction value is different for everyone. I think of value as a reminder of good. Something you value brings you happiness… in most cases. Like my cleats, they bring me happiness because I love soccer and could not play without them. Every time I see them I’m reminded of kicking a ball and knocking it around with friends. The good of happiness controls me. To me, that is value, a reminder of good.
What would you do if faced with the most brilliant moment you can imagine, or the most amazing object one could purchase? Which one would you take? Everyone has a different opinion about this. They would argue about this and that. Which one you choose simply depends on which you hold more valuable. If you’re more of a material person who loves funky gadgets and expensive items you will choose one while the person who loves the perfect view of nature or something that can not be bought would take the other.
I am meticulous as I tie them. First one, then the other making positive each one is fit to my liking. Once I am finished I take my stand. The ball sits there. Taunting me, telling me I won’t do it, I can’t do it. I rise to the challenge. I know where I want to place the ball on the goal, I don’t have to look. I just picture it. The top left corner of the goal is what my entire mind is thinking. In a burst of speed and power I slam the soccer ball. Cleat, with perfect precision Sends the ball to the back of the net, Passed the keepers inadequate attempt of a save.
My cleats are awesome. With a burnt orange, black and white exterior they look sick. They also have a tiger paw on them just like my high school mascot’s symbol. Their patterns are nasty and in my opinion are just about the best looking cleats that one can buy. Nike Total90, please Kelme Diablo, my cleat, is where it's at. Nothing comes close to them. They don’t just look amazing, but are a fine quality cleat. They stand up to my play and stay with me as I go. They fit perfectly and allow me to kick the ball with extreme accuracy and force.
The score is tied. Six seconds are on the clock. The ball is in my hands. One thing is on my mind, score. I can’t think of anything else and would not if I could. I dribble once, stop, fake a pass left, step back, jump, and shoot. The leather ball glides off my fingertips with just the right amount of backspin. I know what will happen when the ball leaves my hands. The question is, do they?
It’s the best moment that can happen to me, winning a big basketball game in the final seconds. There are so many moments in basketball like this and nothing in sports is better than sinking a three at the buzzer. It’s awesome just seeing one, but having it happen to you is simply perfect. Winning a big game is truly priceless.
When you take that shot it is like time is in slow motion. Everything moves slower, even you. As time winds down and you have the ball you take a quick look around, seeing if there is someone that has a better chance to take the shot. There never is. So, you make your move to trip up the defender, again something that always happens. Then you step back knowing what comes next as everyone shouts “SHOOT!” You face the basket jump and shoot, following the command of the fans. You are behind the three point line and for the third time this is something that always happens. Watching the shot you know it will either fall in or slip out. When it goes in and everyone goes crazy it is the most amazing moment that can happen to a person, me at least. You hope it never stops. Adrenaline is racing threw your body. Your team is huddled around you screaming your name as they praise you.
So how do you compare these things? Well, obviously, they both have something to do with sports. One soccer, one basketball, but both sports. I believe they have a different similarity though. They both bring me great happiness and joy. My cleats allow me to play a game I love and that moment wouldn’t happen if I didn’t play another game I love.
They connect me in a way that nothing else does. Of course, they do have major differences like being different sports and being completely different parts of different sports. One is a special moment, the other, equipment. Still I love them and could not live without them.
So, as I said in my introduction value is different for everyone. I think of value as a reminder of good. Something you value brings you happiness… in most cases. Like my cleats, they bring me happiness because I love soccer and could not play without them. Every time I see them I’m reminded of kicking a ball and knocking it around with friends. The good of happiness controls me. To me, that is value, a reminder of good.
8 comments:
In this essay Teddy says that he love both his cleats and basketball. He says he could not live without them and by the way he talks about them, I believe him. Ted values his cleats and the sport of basketball the same.
I thought that in Ted's essay his cleats were very vividly described. An example of this was "With a burnt orange, black and white exterior they look sick. Using the word burnt and sick was very good word choice.
I think that in this essay the overall strength would be the voice in it. For example when it says "Nike Total90, please Kelme Diablos, my cleat, is where its at." This was an awesome sentence.
I think a way to make your essay better is to add more detail to the section about basketball. Maybe another game, or playing with your friends. Although it was very good.
The beginning of Ted’s Value Essay has very good voice. His opening paragraph talks about the material world people, and the more sentimental people. I think that it take value to a new perspective. Ted most strongly values his cleats for an item with price, and winning a big basketball game as his priceless moment.
I think that both parts of Ted’s essay were very good. They both seemed to meet the criteria, and told me a lot about what Ted values. I do think that when Ted wrote about winning a big basketball game, he gave more detail about this moment oppose to when he was describing his soccer cleats. My favorite part in this section was when Ted wrote, “When you take that shot it is like time in slow motion.” I think that the statements simplicity makes it great.
I think that the essay’s overall strength would be Ted’s way of using voice in his essay. There were time were I could actually picture Ted saying this to me as if we were just in a normal conversation. I also think that when an author includes voice in their work it makes their piece more interesting.
One piece of advice I would give to the author would be to extend a little more onto his description about his cleats. I think that he gave a good description, I just feel that one paragraph is stronger than the other, and they should be narrowed out. I think the Mr. B-G will enjoy reading this essay.
Ted describes his cleats and the moment that the basketball leaves his fingertips in this essay. He obviosly loves both of them almost equally because in both senarios, they make him feel how he always wants to feel.
In teddy's essay, he really shows us how the feeling of adrenaline rushes through his body when he describes the moment the ball leaves his fingertips in a game. "You are behind the three point line and for the third time this is something that always happens. Watching the shot you know it will either fall in or slip out. When it goes in and everyone goes crazy it is the most amazing moment that can happen to a person. You hope it never stops. Adrenaline is racing threw your body." when he makes that shot, he shows us that he truly cares for the sport.
In ted's essay his strength is definately making the readers visualize his cleats. "I am meticulous as I tie them. First one, then the other making positive each one is fit to my liking. Once I am finished I take my stand. The ball sits there. Taunting me, telling me I won’t do it, I can’t do it. I rise to the challenge." these words tell us a lot about the person that ted is. Ted is a person who always wants to excel, and he does.
There really is a small amount of things to improve upon. I loved the use of adjectives and everything .The only thing I would touch upon would be the usage of "sick" "awesome" or "Nasty".
I liked how you started your essay, it grabs the readers atteniton like that! The way you used great vocab and description was great. I felt that it made me want to read more.
I thought that you did a great jod describing your cleats and winning a basketball game in the last couple seconds. They were very original and I thought really represented you. "Then you step back knowing what comes next as everyone shouts “SHOOT!”" This sentence stuck out to me because it made my think about you in shooting the ball in slow motion for some reason!?(dang movies)
I thought that the essays overall strenght was the vocab im the essay. You use words that seem to fit just right. I seems as everthing was said with great enfisisse. The essay was very well described as well.
One piece of adivese for next time is to try to write more description sentences. Yodid a very good job at descrition sentences, but more can't hurt. Though, I thought it was writen beautifully and to keep on writing! Nice job Teddy.
The author values his soccer cleats and his memory of taking a last second shot and winning a game. The author says that values are different for everybody. He believes that what you value depends on if you are a material person or if you are a person that values moments.
The item I found most clearly and vividly described was the author’s description of taking the last shot in a basketball game. He used very descriptive words that helped me picture him taking the shot. “The score is tied. Six seconds are on the clock. The ball is in my hands. One thing is on my mind, score. I can’t think of anything else and wouldn’t if I could. I dribble once, stop, fake a pass left, step back, jump, and shoot. I know what will happen when the ball leaves my hands. The question is, do they?
One overall strength of this essay would be the introduction. The author does a very good job introducing you to what he’s going to be talking about in the essay, but doesn’t give away everything he’s going to talk about. He starts it off so that you want to read it.
One suggestion I have for revision would be to proofread better. There were not too many, but there were some spelling mistakes. There were also words that were capitalized that shouldn’t have been. For example, in the last paragraph “ coarse” is wrong. It should be course.
I think that teddy values both priceless items and items of financial value, about the same. I like how he explained two peoples point of view.
I think that Ted most clearly described his cleats becuase he gave a lot of great adjectives and full explained everything about the shoes. I really liked when he said "They stand up to my play and stay with me as i go" I think this was a really cool sentence because of the way the word language was used to expand something very ordinary.
I think that the strength in this essay qould have to be his organization. He made it really easy to follow and to understand. Nothing is out of order and the tow items of value follow the same set up.
One piece of advice to Ted would be to not use the words "sick", and "nasty". It makes me laugh in a good way and makes it interesting, but it also makes me take the essay less seriously.
Teddy talks about his soccer cleats and his game winning 3 point shoot in basketball. Ted really shows his love of basketball in this essay and what his cleats look like.
Teddy describer his game winning shot a little better than his soccer cleats because he said how he felt. He didn't really describe how he felt when he was playing or wearing his soccer cleats. The thing i liked most was when he said,When you take that shot it is like time in slow motion.” This sounded very nice.
The strength in this essay was the introduction because it made me want to keep reading. He also hides all information of the next paragraphs so the beginning makes you wonder what he is going to talk about.
My advice to teddy is to describe a little more about how they feel on your feet. Example: When i put them on they hug my feet, I know they fit and I feel like I'm standing on a cloud because there so comfortable or if there not comfortable then describe how they feel.
in this essay teddy's two valued items are his cleats and basketball. he gives you a feeling like they really do mean a lot to him. i think he likes both his cleats and basketball equally.
i thought teddy did an extreamly good job on discribing his cleats.
the vocabulary he used is very rich and intriguing, made me want to read more of his story.
his overall strengh was his vocabulary, i thought he did a great job on decribing his items and giving us an image of the item
he was decribing.
i think he could add a little more detail on his basketball
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