Milton High School, August 30th: the first day of school. Jay Young was about to open the doors to the school with the marching band playing, guys reaching out hoping for a high five and not to mention girls screaming for him. He would just casually stroll in, acting like it was a normal for him, or for anyone. A freshman having sophomores, juniors and even seniors screaming for him, it was crazy, but it was about to happen.
He walked up to the school, glancing up at the sign reading MILTON HIGH SCHOOL. He chuckled. Big deal he thought. Jay was being recruited by the top colleges in the nation as an eighth grader. High school would be nothing. It was really just a waste of four years. He knew what would happen to him, first college then the pros. He could even pick his sport, football, basketball, or lacrosse. He checked how he looked in the glass doors. Perfect, as usual. Jay opened the door slowly, so he could look even cooler, but when he did no band was playing. Okay maybe that was a stretch he thought. No guys were begging for a high five. Oh I get it, they’re gonna go for the, oh big deal approach and hope I talk to them first like I’m their “equal” or something. Psh yeah right. He did hear screaming girls though. Just not in his ear. Weird.
He turned the corner off the main entrance hallway toward his first class to the left and saw a massive crowd of screaming chicks moshing against the wall. After a couple seconds of staring he caught sight of a boy pushing his way through the crowd. The boy streaked down the hall when he got lose while about two hundred girls chanced him.
Jay, quite pissed, turned the other way and started to storm off. He saw Randy Wagner, a senior he had been friends with forever, since his family was so close to the football coach, and Randy was the star of the football team, not to mention the coaches son.
“Yo Randy.” Jay shout out.
“Hey Jay, what’s up buddy? You’re up in the big leagues now. Haha took ya long enough.”
“I’d hardly call this the big leagues Randy. It’s high school.”
“Well then big shot, we’ll see what you got at practice today.”
“Yes you will Randy. Yes you will.” Jay walked away smiling. Picturing himself making that first big hit on someone while Randy’s jaw dropped. The rest of the day went smooth. Everywhere he went people recognized him. His confidence skyrocketed to normal after the shaky start to the day.
At football practice Jay was feeling nice in his new gear. They started off practice with a discussion and the coach introduced a new kid to the team and school system Jake. That kid from earlier, what a tool. First drill he’s gonna be on his back. In the first rep of the first drill Coach Wagner put Jay against Jake.
“Let’s welcome Jake to the team Jayson.” Coach Wagner winked.
This kid doesn’t even know. Haha, too bad. The boys stood five yards apart facing each other. It was a blocking drill. Both players would have to bring the other down. Coach said down, Jay got down. Coach said set, Jake got set. The coach said go, and they both flew at each other. They hit-
What the- ahhhhh my head. Jay opened his eyes to the team staring at him. It took him a minute to realize he was on his back. That damn kid knocked me out.
It wouldn’t get better for poor Jay. Wagner told his parents he’d have a starting role on varsity for sure. Jake took it. Randy told all the girls how awesome Jay was. They liked Jake more. Jay had all the friends a guy could want. Jake was cooler. As the season progressed more and more things were falling out from under Jay. He got a D in Spanish. All the while Jake was rubbing it in on Varsity as Jay watched from the sidelines. Jake would run by him after a big tackle and say “Yeah member that Jay boy.” The kid also cheated on his three running relationships with even more girls somehow keeping it all secret and twisted stories behind his friend’s backs. That’s what Jay saw. Everyone else seemed to see the most wonderful angel who had blessed Milton simply with his presence. It became too much. One day after practice as Jay walked into the locker room to shower Jake came by and whispered in his ear “Hey big guy, what’s up?”
Jay didn’t allow himself to hear that though, he processed it as “Hey Big Shot, What now?” Just another dig at his failed expectations. Not hearing an answer Jake moved ahead.
“Yo Jake.” Jay exclaimed through gritted teeth. Jake turned around into a sucker punch that landed right on his nose. Randy, who was close by, ripped Jay away so Jake couldn’t retaliate, not that he was going to. See Jake was really a nice kid. Jake was just the better athlete and nicer to girls, and a better friend not being so conceded and arrogant like Jay.
Coach Wagner had no other option but to throw Jay off the team. People didn’t look at Jay the same way anymore. He had no friends, Randy wouldn’t even talk to him, and girls walked in the other direction when he came near. Jayson slowly realized the monster he was.
When basketball tryouts started Jay took the court humbly, and when he made JV as Jake started as the point guard he cheered on his teammate. Randy began to talk to him again, the guys started to see a new man, and girls saw a boy with a new self esteem. Not one full of self confidence, but of love and care. Jay made varsity lacrosse with Jake by his side. That year they won the state championship.
In the locker room above Jay’s locker hung a piece of paper reading one little phrase:
All is received, when all is given.
When Jay was kicked off the football team he realized what we all need to realize at one point, you cannot receive love without giving it, you cannot receive trust without trusting, and you cannot win without accepting defeat first. We all struggle; we all fall; we all stumble along our way. Sometimes it takes a big fall to help us reach the summit of our potential. Milton High School won ten state championships in Jay’s time. He never lost one after his freshman year. But it wasn’t Jay that made it happen. It was the team that put up those banners.
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6 comments:
1) I would like the reader to realize that with greatness comes responsibility. Also, when you take more than your given things tend to go downhill. In the story Jay is just a little too greedy for his own good and you see his world crumble, but he turns things around and uts it all back together. Giving us the message that everyone deserves a second chance.
2) I think what was easy to write in this peice was the cocky and jerky aditude Jay presented because we all see it everyday. BOys and girls show their cocky, jerk side.
3) I'm not really sure how to fit the description of the setting into such a small peice of writing. I feel no one will know anything about this high school. I also forgot to encorperate vocab into the story.
4) I would like to know how my description of the setting is iin the story. Is it acceptable or confusing? Also is the plot developed enough? I feel the whole story is very condenced and confusing to others.
1. The main conflict in this story is that Jay has to adjust to the fact that when you come to the high school, everything is different. You are not going to be the center of attention, you are not going to be insanely popular. Just like everyone else, you have to work to be who you wanna be. This is an internal conflict. it is resovled when Jay learns how to be a nicer person and a team player. I don't think there was anything that could've made the story more dramatic.
2. Everything about this story involved the character changing over time! As I said above, the main change in the character overall was accepting that he couldn't be the best right away or at all if his attitude didn't improve. His main epiphany in this story was when he realized this. The realization changed the entire story, and without it, Jay may have gone through all of high school unpopular and with bad grades and no friends at all.
3. My favorite part of the story was when Jake turned around in the shower and was met with a punch in the face by Jay. I haven't read any stories so far that have had any violence in them, so I found that very entertaining.
"Jake turned around into a sucker punch that landed right on his nose."
The way he told it was very effective, too. He didn't just say that Jay punched him, he conveyed it in a unique manner.
4. The tale's best quality is that it is very inspiring. I must say that the concluding paragraph was probably the most well written paragraph I've read throughout all these short stories, and I mean that. It was a perfect way to express the theme. It sounded almost like a speech that Martin Luther Kind, Jr. would give or something of that sort. =)
5. The theme of the story is, first, that when one is respectful and kind, people will respect him and be kind to him, secondly, that being concieted will get you nowhere, and thirdly, that it is important to learn from our mistakes.
6. One of the only things I can think for the author of this story to revise is the grammar. There were a few errors that, at one or two points, confused me momentarily. Other than that, it was a VERY well written story.
The main problem is that jay has to learn to share the fame of sports because in high scool he was not the super star and coolest kid in school anymore. The problem is resolved when jay is nice to jake and becomes a nicer better person and team player.
This story has great character development and really shows how jay goes from being the best stuck up player to a great player who is also a team player. He learned that he can not always be the best and if he trys to be an all star he will have no friends.
My favorite part was when jay at football tryouts goes to block jake and he gets knocked out even though jay is bigger than jake. I liked this because in most sports size doesn't matter as much as skill.
The tale's best quality is the plot. I liked the plot because it is a very real and likley thing to happen in high school. It is also very nice to see some one over come there snooty and stuck up attitude.
The theme of the story is that when you are respectful and kind people will respect you back. A lot of people don't know this leason and don't realize they are over reacting intill they learn from thier mistakes.
This story overall was an A+ there was a few mistakes that can be fixed very easily and the setting is acceptable and because of the high school setting i pictured it happening at our school.
The main conflict in the story is that Jay was to conceded and nobody liked him. This is resolved when he changes his attitude and people start to trust and love him. This is an internal conflict. The story is already more dramatic. Maybe he could get a girl friend or something.
The main point of the story was Jay changing over time. He was conceded, but at the end of the story he was humble and everybody liked him.His epifiany was when he got cut from varsity and then he decided to change his life.
My favorite part was the conclusion. I thought it was very deep and well written.
The best quality of the story was easily teds conclusin. THat was probiably the best conclusion that i have ever read in my entire life, it was very good.
The theme of the story is, first, that when one is respectful and kind, people will respect him and be kind to him, secondly, that being concieted will get you nowhere, and thirdly, that it is important to learn from our mistakes.
This story was so well written that I could not find any room for improvement. You would write something as good as this ted. Good job.
I. The conflict in the story was that Jay is trying to get used to high school. The conflict was internal. It was resolved when he becomes humble after getting kicked off the football team. There isn’t anything that would make it more dramatic.
II. The protagonist changes a lot over the course of the story. In the beginning he was boastful and thought very highly of himself, but by the end of the story he was very humble. His epiphany is when he gets kicked off the football team.
III. My favorite part of the story was when Jake got punched in the face because that was the most important part of the story. "Jake turned around into a sucker punch that landed right on his nose."
IV. The story’s best quality is that it’s got a very good plot that keeps the reader interested. There was never a boring part in the story that made me want to stop reading.
V. I think the theme of the story is that you shouldn’t expect to be popular and get good grades, you have to work for that. There’s nothing the author could’ve done better to develop the theme.
VI. There is nothing the author needs to change.
Vocabulary
1) Suppliant- Adjective;Expressive of supplication; an act or instance of supplicating; humble prayer, entreaty, or petition.
2) Semblance- Noun; Outward aspect or appearance.
3) Subjugate- Verb; To bring under complete control.
4) Altruistic- Adjective; Unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others
5) Anecdote- Noun; A short, interesting story.
6) Embellish- Verb; To Enhance
7) Pudgy-Adjective; Short and fat
8) Contusion- Noun; A bruise
9) Callow- Adjective; Inexperienced
10) Deride- Verb; To scoff, jeer or mock
11) Inept- Adjective; Inadequate
12) Inkling- Noun; A small piece of information
13) Zephyr- Noun; A gentle breeze
14) Bestow- Verb; To place upon
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