Milton High School, August 30th: the first day of school. Jay Young was about to open the doors to the school with the marching band playing, guys reaching out hoping for a high five and not to mention girls screaming for him. He would just casually stroll in, with semblance like everything was normal for him, or for anyone. A freshman having sophomores, juniors and even seniors screaming for him. He was about to subjugate this entire school the moment he walked in. It was crazy, but it was about to happen.
He walked up to the school, glancing up at the sign reading MILTON HIGH SCHOOL. He chuckled. Big deal he thought. Jay was being recruited by the top colleges in the nation as an eighth grader. High school would be nothing. It was really just a waste of four years. He knew what would happen to him, first college then the pros. He could even pick his sport between football, basketball, or lacrosse. He checked how he looked in the glass doors. Perfect, as usual. Jay opened the doors slowly so he could look even cooler, but when he did no band was playing. Okay maybe that was a stretch he thought. No guys were begging for a high five. Oh I get it, they’re gonna go for the, oh big deal approach and hope I talk to them first like I’m their “equal” or something. Psh yeah right. He did hear screaming girls though, just not in his ear. Weird.
He turned the corner off the main entrance hallway toward his first class to the left and saw a massive crowd of screaming chicks moshing against the wall. After a couple seconds of staring he caught sight of a boy pushing his way through the crowd. The boy streaked down the hall when he got loose while about two hundred girls chased him.
Jay, quite pissed, turned the other way and started to storm off. He saw Randy Wagner, a senior he had been friends with forever. His family was very close to the football coach, and Randy was the star of the football team, not to mention the coach’s son.
“Yo Randy.” Jay shouted out.
“Hey Jay, what’s up buddy? You’re up in the big leagues now. Haha took ya long enough.”
“I’d hardly call this the big leagues Randy. It’s high school.”
“Well then big shot, we’ll see what you got at practice today.”
“Haha, you know it.” Jay walked away smiling. Picturing himself making that first big hit on someone while Randy’s jaw dropped in awe of how good Jay really was. The rest of the day went smoothly. Everywhere he went people recognized him. His confidence skyrocketed to normal after the shaky start to the day.
At football practice Jay was feeling nice in his new gear. They started off practice with a discussion and the coach introduced a new kid to the team and school system. His name was Jake. Jay thought he saw callow in his eyes. That kid from earlier, what a tool. First drill he’s gonna be on his back. In the first rep of the first drill Coach Wagner put Jay against Jake.
“Let’s welcome Jake to the team Jayson.” Coach Wagner winked.
This kid doesn’t even know. Haha, too bad. The boys stood five yards apart facing each other. It was a blocking drill. Each player would have to bring the other down. Haha, my time. This guy’s inept from hitting me. He’s goin down. This hit is gonna teach the whole team you don’t mess with me.Coach said down, Jay got down. Coach said set, Jake got set. The coach said go, and they both flew at each other. They hit-
What the- ahhhhh my head. Jay opened his eyes to the team staring at him. It took him a minute to realize he was on his back. That damn kid knocked me out.
It wouldn’t get better for poor Jay. Wagner told his parents he’d have a starting role on varsity for sure. Jake took it. Randy told all the girls how awesome Jay was. They liked Jake more. Jay had all the friends a guy could want. Jake was cooler. As the season progressed more and more things were falling out from under Jay. He got a D in Spanish. All the while Jake was rubbing it in on varsity as Jay watched from the sidelines. Jake would run by him after a big tackle and say “Yeah ‘member that Jay boy.” The kid also cheated on his girlfriend with the hottest girls in school somehow keeping it a secret. He talked crap about everyone calling some pudgy and weird, others tall and stupid. He would undermine everyone. He even twisted stories behind his friend’s backs. That’s what Jay saw. Everyone else seemed to see the most wonderful angel who had blessed Milton simply with his presence. It became too much. One day after practice as Jay was walking into the locker room to shower Jake came by and whispered in his ear “Hey big guy, what’s up?” something he said to everyone.
Jay didn’t allow himself to hear that though, he embellished the statement as “Hey Big Shot, What now?” Just another dig at Jay’s failed expectations amongst his peers and the whole school. Not hearing an answer Jake looked away confused and started to move away.
“Yo Jake.” Jay sneered through gritted teeth unable to control his anger brought on by Jake’s derisive comment. Jake turned around into a sucker punch that landed on his cheek whipping his head sideways causing a contusion where the fist hit. Randy, who was close by, ripped Jay away so Jake couldn’t retaliate, not that he was going to. Jay stormed off into the lockeroom causing a fracas as he went slamming lockers. See Jake was really a nice kid. Jake was just the better athlete and nicer to girls, and a better friend by not being so conceited and arrogant like Jay had always been.
Coach Wagner had no other option but to throw Jay off the team. The Young parents would concur latter with the decision. They had to abet with him so maybe next year Jay could play football. People didn’t look at Jay the same way anymore. He had no friends. Randy wouldn’t talk to him. Girls walked in the other direction when he came near. Jayson, after a long period of being aloof, slowly realized the monster he had become.
When basketball tryouts started, Jay took the court humbly. When he made JV as Jake started as the point guard on varsity he cheered on his teammate. Randy began to talk to him again, the guys started to see a new man, and girls saw a boy with a new self esteem. Not one full of self confidence, but of love and care. Jay made varsity lacrosse with Jake by his side. That year they won the state championship.
In the locker room above Jay’s locker hung a piece of paper reading one little altruistic phrase:
All is received, when all is given.
When Jay was kicked off the football team he realized what we all need to realize at one point: you cannot receive love without loving; you cannot receive trust without trusting; you cannot win without first accepting defeat. We all struggle; we all fall; we all stumble along our way. Sometimes it takes a big fall to help us reach the summit of our potential. Milton High School won ten state championships in Jay’s time. He never lost one after his freshman year, but it wasn’t Jay that made it happen. It was the teams that put up those banners.
He walked up to the school, glancing up at the sign reading MILTON HIGH SCHOOL. He chuckled. Big deal he thought. Jay was being recruited by the top colleges in the nation as an eighth grader. High school would be nothing. It was really just a waste of four years. He knew what would happen to him, first college then the pros. He could even pick his sport between football, basketball, or lacrosse. He checked how he looked in the glass doors. Perfect, as usual. Jay opened the doors slowly so he could look even cooler, but when he did no band was playing. Okay maybe that was a stretch he thought. No guys were begging for a high five. Oh I get it, they’re gonna go for the, oh big deal approach and hope I talk to them first like I’m their “equal” or something. Psh yeah right. He did hear screaming girls though, just not in his ear. Weird.
He turned the corner off the main entrance hallway toward his first class to the left and saw a massive crowd of screaming chicks moshing against the wall. After a couple seconds of staring he caught sight of a boy pushing his way through the crowd. The boy streaked down the hall when he got loose while about two hundred girls chased him.
Jay, quite pissed, turned the other way and started to storm off. He saw Randy Wagner, a senior he had been friends with forever. His family was very close to the football coach, and Randy was the star of the football team, not to mention the coach’s son.
“Yo Randy.” Jay shouted out.
“Hey Jay, what’s up buddy? You’re up in the big leagues now. Haha took ya long enough.”
“I’d hardly call this the big leagues Randy. It’s high school.”
“Well then big shot, we’ll see what you got at practice today.”
“Haha, you know it.” Jay walked away smiling. Picturing himself making that first big hit on someone while Randy’s jaw dropped in awe of how good Jay really was. The rest of the day went smoothly. Everywhere he went people recognized him. His confidence skyrocketed to normal after the shaky start to the day.
At football practice Jay was feeling nice in his new gear. They started off practice with a discussion and the coach introduced a new kid to the team and school system. His name was Jake. Jay thought he saw callow in his eyes. That kid from earlier, what a tool. First drill he’s gonna be on his back. In the first rep of the first drill Coach Wagner put Jay against Jake.
“Let’s welcome Jake to the team Jayson.” Coach Wagner winked.
This kid doesn’t even know. Haha, too bad. The boys stood five yards apart facing each other. It was a blocking drill. Each player would have to bring the other down. Haha, my time. This guy’s inept from hitting me. He’s goin down. This hit is gonna teach the whole team you don’t mess with me.Coach said down, Jay got down. Coach said set, Jake got set. The coach said go, and they both flew at each other. They hit-
What the- ahhhhh my head. Jay opened his eyes to the team staring at him. It took him a minute to realize he was on his back. That damn kid knocked me out.
It wouldn’t get better for poor Jay. Wagner told his parents he’d have a starting role on varsity for sure. Jake took it. Randy told all the girls how awesome Jay was. They liked Jake more. Jay had all the friends a guy could want. Jake was cooler. As the season progressed more and more things were falling out from under Jay. He got a D in Spanish. All the while Jake was rubbing it in on varsity as Jay watched from the sidelines. Jake would run by him after a big tackle and say “Yeah ‘member that Jay boy.” The kid also cheated on his girlfriend with the hottest girls in school somehow keeping it a secret. He talked crap about everyone calling some pudgy and weird, others tall and stupid. He would undermine everyone. He even twisted stories behind his friend’s backs. That’s what Jay saw. Everyone else seemed to see the most wonderful angel who had blessed Milton simply with his presence. It became too much. One day after practice as Jay was walking into the locker room to shower Jake came by and whispered in his ear “Hey big guy, what’s up?” something he said to everyone.
Jay didn’t allow himself to hear that though, he embellished the statement as “Hey Big Shot, What now?” Just another dig at Jay’s failed expectations amongst his peers and the whole school. Not hearing an answer Jake looked away confused and started to move away.
“Yo Jake.” Jay sneered through gritted teeth unable to control his anger brought on by Jake’s derisive comment. Jake turned around into a sucker punch that landed on his cheek whipping his head sideways causing a contusion where the fist hit. Randy, who was close by, ripped Jay away so Jake couldn’t retaliate, not that he was going to. Jay stormed off into the lockeroom causing a fracas as he went slamming lockers. See Jake was really a nice kid. Jake was just the better athlete and nicer to girls, and a better friend by not being so conceited and arrogant like Jay had always been.
Coach Wagner had no other option but to throw Jay off the team. The Young parents would concur latter with the decision. They had to abet with him so maybe next year Jay could play football. People didn’t look at Jay the same way anymore. He had no friends. Randy wouldn’t talk to him. Girls walked in the other direction when he came near. Jayson, after a long period of being aloof, slowly realized the monster he had become.
When basketball tryouts started, Jay took the court humbly. When he made JV as Jake started as the point guard on varsity he cheered on his teammate. Randy began to talk to him again, the guys started to see a new man, and girls saw a boy with a new self esteem. Not one full of self confidence, but of love and care. Jay made varsity lacrosse with Jake by his side. That year they won the state championship.
In the locker room above Jay’s locker hung a piece of paper reading one little altruistic phrase:
All is received, when all is given.
When Jay was kicked off the football team he realized what we all need to realize at one point: you cannot receive love without loving; you cannot receive trust without trusting; you cannot win without first accepting defeat. We all struggle; we all fall; we all stumble along our way. Sometimes it takes a big fall to help us reach the summit of our potential. Milton High School won ten state championships in Jay’s time. He never lost one after his freshman year, but it wasn’t Jay that made it happen. It was the teams that put up those banners.
2 comments:
Vocabulary
1)Semblance- Noun; Outward aspect or appearance.
2)Subjugate- Verb; To bring under complete control.
3)Altruistic- Adjective; Unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others
4)Embellish- Verb; To Enhance
5)Pudgy-Adjective; Short and fat
6)Contusion- Noun; A bruise
7)Callow- Adjective; Inexperienced
8)Deride- Verb; To scoff, jeer or mock
9)Inept- Adjective; Inadequate
10)Abet- Verb; To Support
11)Concur- Verb; To agree
12)Undermine- Verb; To Attack by indirect means
13)Aloof- Adjective; Apart from, away (mentally) momentarily
14)Fracas- Noun; A loud crash
1) The greatest change I made in my story was either grammar or taking out a confusing sentence in the middle of the story. Both changes made the story flow mush better.
2) I believe the better method of advice for revising was the comments. This is because more people gave their ideas so I got more out of it.
3) I believe my stories greatest strength is the ending. This is because all of the comments I recieved as well as others have told me it is very good.
4) For students in the year that follows mine my advice would be to start the story ealier so that you can revise it more than Mr. B-G suggest making the story even better.
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